Adjustment

I was reading an article yesterday. I could go back and find it and post a link to it, but I am lazy. Therefore, I will not post it. The gist of the article was that this guy, upon whom this article was focused, used to be rich, and is now not rich. I forget what his job was, but it was something to do with real estate. No matter. He lost the job. The point is, he was living a rich lifestyle and now he can no longer do that. The article mentioned that this has been a difficult adjustment for him.

I propose a new social program called Rags to Riches to Rags. It would work in the following way: Rags to Riches to Rags Clandestine Corps staff members would ninja their way into a big corner office in the Loop somewhere. They'd capture whoever was in that office, preferably a fairly non-descript middle-aged guy, (of course, using a variety of ninja techniques, like blow-darts dipped in sleeping pills or something) and ninja their way back to the clandestine Rags to Riches to Rags office with the guy. At the very same time, another team of Rags to Riches to Rags Clandestine Corps staff members would ninja their way into a homeless encampment out in the park. They'd capture the most homeless looking middle-aged guy and bring him back to the Rags to Riches to Rags office too. (This is shaping up nicely, so far. I like the idea of using ninjas, and I like that these ninjas have an office. I would be the boss of these ninjas, because I like the idea of ninjas working for me.) Okay, anyway, we'd take these two gentlemen and make them look as alike as possible. Give them each a shower and shave, cut their hair and comb it in the same way, dress them up in very similar neutral clothing...like say some Dockers and a bland-colored polo shirt. Maybe some Sperry Top-Siders. Very biz-caszh and boring. After that...we'd switch up their lives. We'd take the homeless guy and put him back in the corporate guy's office and the corporate guy back in the homeless encampment. Then, my ninjas would hide in plain sight and simply observe. They would render no assistance to either of these men. Instead they would watch and record what they saw. Each of the men would now have total access to what the other had at his disposal previously. The homeless man would now get to drive a BMW, and collect a regular, nicely sized paycheck and live in a West Loop condo. He'd get to go to bars that serve neon colored drinks and he'd be responsible for some pretty big decisions at that office, just like the other guy used to be. In the same way, the rich guy would have the opportunity to live at the airport and keep his things in a stolen shopping cart. He'd have the chance to wait in line at the social security office for a few hours to begin reclaiming his ID and he'd get to wear all his clothes all at the same time. (Hey, where else are you going to put your clothes when you're out there, right? In a pretend closet?)

I bet things would be hard for that rich man. I bet it would be an adjustment. But you know what? I bet the homeless guy in his new digs and duds would be really stressed out too. Now I think a lot of people would say, "What kind of stress?? I should be so lucky!" The truth is, any major lifestyle change is stressful. It's a lot easier in this particular economic clime to look at the formerly rich and understand and, perhaps, empathize with them. Like, I get it. I get why life is harder for you now, Joe Former-rich-guy. The homeless take a beating all the time, what with the, "Hey, get a job" mumbo-jumbo that gets thrown their way all the time. Nobody gets that if, pow!, that homeless guy, particularly if he's chronically homeless, gets a brand new job instantly, it would produce nearly insurmountable stress. Please hear me, I'm not saying he would not be capable of working, but that rapid of a lifestyle switch...liable to give the man the social bends. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't get that.